


emerald

by redsh



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - 1920s, Alternate Universe - Prohibition Era, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arranged Marriage, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:15:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23542990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsh/pseuds/redsh
Summary: "our fates are intertwined, i'm afraid."
Relationships: Cha Hakyeon | N/Jung Taekwoon | Leo, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Lee Jaehwan | Ken, Kim Wonshik | Ravi/Lee Hongbin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

jaehwan is so fucking bored.

none of the boys at tonight’s party are interesting enough to keep his attention for more than thirty seconds. all they want to discuss is the economy or their investments or their girlfriends, the latter always sending jaehwan practically running in the opposite direction because straight boys are _not_ his type.

the acceptable ones make decent friends but never one-night stands. or dealers. or entertainment. basically, nothing jaehwan is interested in tonight or any other when he’s stuck at home with his fiancé.

they’re avoiding each other with almost perfect finesse, jaehwan mostly occupying the upper levels of his mansion while his fiancé stays downstairs and out in the garden. they meet up twice an hour, pretending to give a shit about each other for a few minutes so no one gets suspicious about their picture-perfect love story.

they aren’t in love. never have been. their engagement is nothing more than the meddling of their money-hungry parents. the only feelings they’ve mutually shared are exhaustion and loathing. if jaehwan ever got the chance, he’d happily knock the bastards perfect teeth down his throat. his mother would have a heart attack but she would surely forgive him one day.

jaehwan still doesn’t understand why he has to marry the asshole. he can’t afford a fourth of the pretty things jaehwan wants. he is rich, jaehwan is wealthy. they are not the same. some snooping revealed that his parents lost a bet and owed jaehwan’s parents a lot of money. they’d opted to pay off their debt with their arrogant son who just so happens to own a lot of drug stores, a business jaehwan’s father has been wanting to get into for a long time. no one even asked if jaehwan was ready to get married before they announced it to the public.

jaehwan hates _all_ of them.

“master hwannie, would you like another drink?”

a soft pout crosses jaehwan’s lips when he lifts his glass and notices its empty state. that’s no good.

“please? you’re a doll, thank you shikkie.” jaehwan leans across the couch he’s lying on to hand the glass to his best friend and personal servant before snatching it back teasingly.

“if you keep playing you’ll never get your drink, give it here.” wonshik says with a smile, grabbing the glass before jaehwan has a chance to pull the same trick twice.

“use lime instead of lemon this time!”

“have you ever tried it with lime?”

“no, but i’m bored. just do it, please!”

“as you wish, sir.”

three drinks later, jaehwan is resting his chin in his palm and pretending to listen to some boring-ass story his ‘friends’ are telling about their lunch date as his eyes meticulously sweep the lower level. then he sees a boy.

paying no consideration to the fact that he just did a very obvious double-take when he’s supposed to be listening, he stands and leaves his glass with the person closest to him.

he’s prettier up close. strong jaw, tall, broad shoulders, sparkling eyes, prominent adam’s apple, very kissable lips, and holy shit the most attractive hands jaehwan has _ever_ seen.

_‘please be gay, you’re too pretty not to be gay. for the love of christ almighty be gay, and a decent top. please.’_

“dance with me.” jaehwan says, interrupting the boy’s conversation and taking his hand gently.

they cross to the center of the dance floor, one of jaehwan’s hands settling on a firm shoulder as a large hand presses against the small of his back.

“this is rather straightforward of you. i was talking with someone, you know.” he says, deep voice making jaehwan’s heart skip several beats.

if this guy isn’t gay jaehwan just might die.

“wouldn’t you rather be talking to me?”

“most definitely, may i ask your name?”

“ken, my close friends call me jaehwan.”

“what shall i call you?”

“jaehwan, please.”

“okay, jaehwan. i’m sanghyuk, pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“pleasure’s all mine. you’re not from around here, are you?”

“as a matter of fact i am, just returned from vacation. they speak _very_ proper english over in london."

sanghyuk steps back and spins jaehwan twice before they come together again. thank _heavens_ someone requested a formal tune. as entertaining as the noise craze is, jaehwan knows they wouldn’t be able to speak like this if a jazz number was being played. they’d be hot and out of breath.

while jaehwan wouldn’t mind being hot and out of breath with sanghyuk, he would much rather listen to his addicting voice for a few more hours first. the night is young, they have plenty of time for other activities.

“london? sounds expensive.”

“good thing money isn’t a concern of mine or i wouldn’t have been able to take three trips this month.”

“oh, so you’re a _rich_ boy.”

_“wealthy,_ love. the only dealings i have with the rich are strictly business-related.”

“i like you already.” jaehwan hums as sanghyuk smiles softly. he really wants to rest his head on his chest for some reason. the hand on his back slides to his hip, warmth spreading through his glittering dress.

“are you the owner of this beautiful property?”

“i am.”

“what’s a pretty boy like you doing in such a big house all by yourself?”

“i fear i’ll soon be spoken for.” jaehwan frowns softly, showing sanghyuk the diamond resting on his ring finger. “i do not live alone.”

“how unfortunate.” sanghyuk hums, brow creasing with thought.

“how _very_ unfortunate.”

“let me guess...” two twirls, one dip, jaehwan’s back flush against sanghyuk’s front as they continue to move together as if they knew each other in a different lifetime, “the whole scenario is your parents’ idea.”

an exaggerated gasp from jaehwan, wide eyes peering up at sanghyuk over his shoulder.

“oh _gods,_ how did you figure me out? was it the frown? or the fact that i’m not glued at the hip to the bastard taking up space in my house?”

“all of the above. i’ve seen too many free souls get forced into an abusive contract just so their parents can increase their wealth. it’s sickening.”

“alas, this is the _roaring_ twenties my darling. fast cars, cheap liquor, big parties, violence, money money _money._ while i do enjoy pretty things, i’m certain capitalism will be the downfall of human society one day.”

“a smart, pretty thing that enjoys pretty things. you are quite endearing, jaehwan.”

color floods jaehwan’s cheeks, arms winding around sanghyuk’s neck as they inch closer together. talking with sanghyuk is so _easy._ it resembles breathing, requiring little to no effort but a necessity nonetheless.

“i like you a tad too much, i think.” jaehwan whispers.

“what’s the harm?” sanghyuk responds.

“i’m engaged, you fool. i’ll be married by the end of the summer.”

“you don’t seem like the type of person to submit to circumstances you don’t fancy. i’m sure your fiancé won’t mind us spending a little time together.”

“correct again. and he won’t, he’ll be too occupied banging every whore that throws herself in his lap.”

“oh?”

“as straight as a ninety-degree angle.”

“your parents are not the best people.”

“they’re quite wicked, i’m afraid.”

“i’m assuming he initiated the infidelity.”

“never stopped sleeping around to begin with. he won’t touch me, clearly, so i have to deal with my needs somehow. the whole ordeal is simply _disastrous.”_

jaehwan is so fucked. he’s drunk, talking too much, feeling too many things for a pretty face he just met, horny as hell and kind of tired. too many things are happening.

“i want a drink, let’s go get a drink.” jaehwan pulls sanghyuk toward the bar, shamelessly placing himself in his lap as their drinks are prepared.

“please tell me you’re gay.” jaehwan says abruptly, two empty glasses sitting on the counter and a third trembling slightly in his hand. sanghyuk takes it from the older gently before finishing the contents within his own glass.

the party has picked up considerably. loud music floats through the halls, strangers fill every room, drinks are made nonstop. jaehwan kicks off his heels, no longer caring about being presentable. he hadn’t seen his fiancé since before he found sanghyuk and he didn’t want to see him anytime soon. or ever, for that matter.

“i am. you drink quite a bit for a lightweight, no?”

“i am _not_ a lightweight.” jaehwan pouts, the comforting hand holding his squeezing gently as they make their way back to the dance floor.

“i beg to differ.”

“i’ve been drinking all day, i feel marvelous.”

“we’ll work on that.” sanghyuk pulls jaehwan flush against his body, much closer than before.

“work on what...” jaehwan mumbles, brain short-circuiting for a moment.

a new song starts. moderate tempo, heavy bass, one of the more modern tunes jaehwan can actually tolerate. sanghyuk’s hands find his hips and the older boy allows himself to stop thinking, just moving to the beat.

it gets hot _fast._ hands roam everywhere, kisses are stolen, they’re both hard and sweating a preposterous amount, the air is thick and the alcohol is making everything move in slow motion.

“i want...” jaehwan starts, sentence trailing off as sanghyuk brushes his lips over his pulse point.

“tell me what you want, jaehwan.”

“i want you...please...”

jaehwan yelps as he’s lifted into strong arms, sanghyuk quickly maneuvering through the crowd and up a tall staircase.

“left, all the way at the end of the hall.” jaehwan coos, playing in sanghyuk’s dark hair. he lights up like a christmas tree when he sees wonshik.

“shikkie!”

“master hwannie, i see you’ve found a friend.” wonshik replies warmly, giving jaehwan a soft smile and bowing slightly at sanghyuk.

“han sanghyuk.”

“kim wonshik, it’s a pleasure. i’ve heard many good things about your family.”

“i’m humbled.”

“be humbled later, you big softie. shik, babe, can you keep an eye on the exterior door for me? pretty please?”

“of course, i’m assuming you’ll be occupied until morning.”

“absolutely. we’ll need something sweet in about two hours or so. i’ll also need to know when the bastard starts kicking people out.”

“as you wish, sir.”

**********

they can’t get into jaehwan’s bedroom fast enough. jaehwan sighs softly as his back hits his comforter, hands unbuckling sanghyuk’s belt as they kiss like it’s going out of fashion.

_“fuck_ , you’re so big.”

“speak for yourself, love.” sanghyuk chuckles, the sound warming jaehwan’s heart. he could listen to it over and over and over again and never grow tired of it.

once both are nude, jaehwan shoves sanghyuk down so he’s on top. he leans over to grab lube and a condom from his bedside table, breath catching as one of sanghyuk’s fingers circles his entrance.

“beg.” it isn’t a request. jaehwan isn’t sure he’ll see the end of this. his heart is about to jump out of his damn chest.

“please dear _heavens_ i can’t take any more teasing darling.”

“i think you can, i think you will. you’ll do whatever i tell you.”

“sanghyuk _please._ please please please...i need you so badly.”

jaehwan releases an urgent whine as the tip of one of sanghyuk’s thick fingers slowly presses inside of him. he’s already trying to rock back on it, needing more.

“easy, baby.” sanghyuk breathes, free hand gripping jaehwan’s hip to hold him still.

“hurry up, i need your cock in me _now.”_

“naughty boy, do you kiss your mother with that pretty mouth?” sanghyuk teases, jaehwan’s cheeks flushing as his giggle fades into an incoherent sound of pleasure.

no one has ever made jaehwan fall apart this easily, made him _want_ so badly. he knew sanghyuk was special the moment he saw him, jaehwan has an eye for good things, but this is something else entirely.

_“please...”_ jaehwan whines, tears sparkling in his eyes as he clenches hard around sanghyuk’s cock. the younger took his time prepping him and jaehwan is still extremely tight. he’s using every ounce of strength and willpower he has to not thrust into the heat surrounding him.

“look at me.” sanghyuk breathes, jaehwan meeting his eyes with a shaky exhale. “not yet, okay? we have to wait, i don’t want to hurt you.”

for once jaehwan doesn’t protest, he simply nods as their lips meet in a slow kiss. it helps the older boy relax, makes the dull ache at the base of his spine blossom into a warmth he can feel tingling all over his body.

“i like that...” jaehwan gasps, sanghyuk thrusting into him gently as he rubs circles into his hips. his hands are already trembling against sanghyuk’s chest.

“like what?”

"when you call me baby...” jaehwan’s head rolls back, nails digging into the younger’s shoulders as their tempo increases steadily.

“you like being called baby, jaehwan? hm?”

“n-no, i just like when you do it...there’s a...difference...”

_“god,_ you’re breaking my heart baby.” sanghyuk groans, frustration distantly weaving into his voice as both shiver from the overwhelming feeling of being connected so intimately for the first time.

they fuck like they danced: as if they had practiced for an eternity. it’s _perfect._

_“harder_ _harder harder...”_ jaehwan babbles, skin meeting skin as he bounces sharply in sanghyuk’s lap. the echo of a hand connecting with jaehwan’s ass rings in the room and both moan loudly.

“baby...” sanghyuk is staring at jaehwan like he’s the only person in the world, pistoning his hips upwards with a sincerity he’s never known for another person.

“m-more...” 

_“baby...”_

_“more...sanghyuk...please...”_

the final crescendo. they’re getting louder and louder, fingers desperately digging into warm skin, muscles drawing tight, pressure building so intensely they can hardly breathe.

it peaks beautifully all at once.

sanghyuk pumps jaehwan’s weeping cock once, twice and he goes crashing over the edge, throat raw as he screams as loud as he dares. the younger almost blacks out from the strength of his own orgasm.

jaehwan truly believes he’s dreaming when sanghyuk pulls him down and whispers “i like you...” against his soft lips, the endorphins and liquor in his bloodstream blurring the lines between real and imaginary.

_‘how very precious...’_ he thinks before drifting to sleep in sanghyuk’s arms.


	2. Chapter 2

“we’ve signed nineteen contracts this week.”

nineteen new investors signed on to fund the speakeasies jaehwan’s fiancé owns.

“excellent, family or friends?”

wealthy or rich investors.

“family, we’re anticipating a substantial spike in all departments. one member is currently on vacation.”

more wealthy investors should be coming in soon as per request of current investors, business is thriving, someone didn’t pull their weight and is probably lying in a ditch somewhere with a bullet in their head. jaehwan wishes his brain would stop naturally decoding their conversation, he doesn’t give a damn about anything they’re discussing.

“what a shame, i was hoping to meet them soon...”

jaehwan breathes deeply and takes a sip from the glass in his hand, tuning out his fiancé and his business partners. he’s searching for sanghyuk and trying not to look too uncomfortable because of the hand resting on his waist.

he hates when the bastard he’s chained to touches him. it makes his skin crawl.

“master ken, your guest has arrived. he’s out in the garden.” wonshik speaks low in jaehwan’s ear so only he will receive the message.

“thank you, ravi. you are dismissed.” jaehwan replies, eyes saying everything he wishes he could. his heart swells at the thought of being near his lover again.

they’ve seen each other five times since that first party. jaehwan’s home is starting to be painted with beautiful memories of the boy, his bedroom in particular being his favorite place to daydream about him.

“you’re late, how _dare_ you make me wait for your company?” jaehwan’s pretty voice calls from the top of the staircase leading down to the garden, blinding smile widening as sanghyuk turns to face him.

sanghyuk gasps. the diamonds adorning jaehwan’s dress and soft skin sparkle in the moonlight, his delicate feet are bare, his cheeks glow with light peach blush and his hair is softly curled. he looks absolutely _enchanting._

“beautiful.” is all he can say, eyes never leaving jaehwan as he descends.

“you don’t look half bad yourself, darling. navy suits you.” jaehwan coos, taking sanghyuk’s hand and pulling him along as he heads for the fields.

“where are we-“

“i want to show you something.” jaehwan says.

wonshik stands a good distance away, keeping an eye out for anyone the way he was asked. jaehwan sighs as sanghyuk finally kisses him, lips parting as the boy licks into his mouth. his heart jumps as large hands grip his ass.

he feels himself slipping so he forces himself to pull away although it’s the last thing he truly wants to do.

“sanghyuk, _please._ if you don’t settle down we’re going to end up fucking right here in the rose bed.” jaehwan swats at his lover’s chest before slipping from his arms.

“you’d probably fancy that.” sanghyuk says, smiling as he follows jaehwan.

“oh _shut up_.”

jaehwan steps atop a stone bench surrounded by peonies, nails gently scratching the back of sanghyuk’s neck when he rests his head against his hip.

“there.” jaehwan speaks softly, motioning to a large window visible from where they’re standing. “that’s my bedroom.”

“you can see the fields and the beach from your room?”

“mhm, it’s quite lovely. there’s not many lights so i can see the stars on clear nights as well. i _adore_ the stars.”

“why are you sharing this with me?”

“i’m not sure.” jaehwan responds honestly. “i just wanted you to know. my eyes drift here when i feel lost.“

sanghyuk looks up at jaehwan, a star shooting across the night sky when their eyes meet. questions hang in the air like fresh dewdrops on grass at dawn.

“do you feel lost right now?”

they hadn’t consulted sanghyuk’s accidental confession. jaehwan still thinks it was a dream. sanghyuk is too busy trying to decipher his feelings and their situation to bring it up again. every time they meet they drink, dance, have sex at least twice, and talk for hours. that much is consistent. 

but during sanghyuk’s most recent visit, they had gotten into a dispute. it wasn’t the first time they talked about the future, but it was the first time they fought about it. that was _very_ different.

_“i simply cannot, darling, you’re being foolish.”_

_“so you won’t even consider allowing me to court you properly?”_

_jaehwan laughed as sanghyuk sat next to him on the pile of blankets they’d thrown to the floor. it was a bitter, hollow sound. he’d drank far too much that night._

_“court me?! i’m getting married in august! what the hell are you going on about?!”_

_“you’re going through with it? i thought you didn’t do things that others told you to?”_

_“i don’t.”_

_“so why are you going to allow yourself to be shackled to a stranger? do you want to live the rest of your days in despair?”_

_the light seemed to flee from jaehwan’s eyes, intoxicated smile disappearing from his face in record time. he fell silent for a while._

_“don’t talk to me like you know me, sanghyuk. you don’t know anything about my life or what i’ve been through.” jaehwan replied, standing and grabbing his drink from his nightstand._

_“i know you deserve better than someone who isn’t even attracted to you.”_

_glass shattered as jaehwan’s drink made contact with the wall, alcohol leaving behind an ugly stain. his palms were shaking. sanghyuk was shocked, he’d never seen the boy that upset before._

_“just stop, for heaven’s sake. it’s too much.”_

_“give me a chance, jaehwan. please.”_

_“no, i will not.”_

_“why?”_

_“i can’t.”_

_“yes you can, we can figure something out-“_

_“why isn’t this enough? why isn’t coming here and being with me like this enough? is this not a nice arrangement we have going?” jaehwan cried, tears filling his tired eyes._

_“this isn’t enough because you deserve more than sneaking around. you deserve more than one night stands. you deserve more than an arrangement. you deserve love.”_

love. the one thing jaehwan hadn’t been able to study in school. the one thing he doesn’t know anything about. the one thing that _terrifies_ him.

sanghyuk’s words have been troubling him since that night. he isn’t sure what to make of it but sanghyuk has let up on the questions for the time being, and jaehwan isn’t ready to open that box again. they’ll get back to it when the time is right.

“i felt lost before you arrived, but now that you’re with me i feel complete.” jaehwan finally answers as they return to the house, giving sanghyuk a warm smile.

“good.” sanghyuk presses a soft kiss to jaehwan’s cheek. “do you want-“

_“jaehwan!”_

his blood runs cold. jaehwan opts to step away from sanghyuk rather than shove him off, a kaleidoscope of emotions flying across his face as he grabs his heels from wonshik and steps into them.

“jaehwan-there you are. i’ve been looking everywhere for you, where have you been?”

“as if you give a shit where i’ve been.” jaehwan rolls his eyes. “have you gotten any new addresses yet, _honey?”_

“you little-“

“excuse me, sir.” wonshik interrupts jaehwan’s fiancé, motioning to sanghyuk in all his glory.

“oh, my _sincerest_ apologies. my fiancé can be quite a handful sometimes. i didn’t catch your name?”

“han sanghyuk.” sanghyuk says, not shaking the hand extended to him. 

“this is the friend i’ve been telling you about, remember? i know you don’t care enough to listen when i talk but maybe his family name held your attention for more than a few moments.” jaehwan sings, fitting his arm through sanghyuk’s and entering the house with him.

“i remember you mentioning him, han is a very respectable name in this town.” jaehwan’s fiancé responds, trailing close behind.

“you have half a brain? i never could have guessed.“

“jaehwan-“

“order us drinks, i’ll return after i scratch whatever itch is bothering him this time.” jaehwan whispers, squeezing sanghyuk’s arm before dragging his fiancé up to the second level of their home.

sanghyuk already hates him.

**********

“what’s-AH!-gotten into you...” jaehwan whines, dragging his nails down sanghyuk’s back.

“nothing, baby.”

“i didn’t think you were the jealous t-type, color me surprised.”

sanghyuk bites jaehwan’s collarbone and spanks him again, effectively distracting him from the noticeable shift in his mood as they reach the peak of their tempo and cum together.

“hey.” sanghyuk starts after a long, comfortable silence.

“hey.”

“come home with me.”

“no.”

“just for one night.”

“i already said no, you brute. stop asking.”

“i didn’t ask.” sanghyuk rolls onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow. ”you have a tattoo?” he asks, fingers tracing the stars at the base of jaehwan’s spine.

“hm?” jaehwan hums, shivering slightly as he chews the strawberry in his mouth. his eyes catch sanghyuk’s, butterflies swimming in his tummy.

“what constellation is this?”

“my zodiac, aries. i forgot i had it in all honesty.”

“you forgot?” sanghyuk laughs, jaehwan making to rise from the bed before he lets his lover pull him back down.

“i got it for my sixteenth, that was ages ago. i couldn’t tell anyone besides friends, and no one else has ever cared to ask about it. so yes, sanghyuk, i forgot.”

“it‘s quite attractive. very...you.”

“very me?” jaehwan asks, unconsciously pouting as another piece of fruit slips between his lips.

“it’s unique, something only you’d have. you’re a stargazer, right? it’s very you.”

jaehwan stays awake the entire night, watching sanghyuk sleep as he thinks about his words and the feelings growing in his heart that are becoming harder and harder to ignore.

**********

jaehwan's tattoo:


	3. Chapter 3

“darling i miss you something _terrible,_ what are you doing today?” sanghyuk wonders if he’ll ever be able to understand how jaehwan manages to sound pretty even over the phone. one of many mysteries.

he almost missed his call. usually, someone else would answer the phone before coming to see if he was available to speak, but he’d given his home workers the day to themselves so he is alone.

“i miss you so much more, baby. all i’ve done today is paperwork. did you just wake from a nap?”

“the sun is shining so beautifully and you’re filing papers? that will simply _not_ do. and yes i did, do i sound sleepy?” water splashes in the background, jaehwan sighing softly over the line.

“you sound the way you do when you wake up after i empty that pretty little head of yours.” sanghyuk says, smiling as jaehwan giggles.

“oh you’re an absolute _menace._ ”

“only for you.”

“i wish you were here, i’ve been alone since noon and there is absolutely _nothing_ to do.“

“where’s wonshik?”

“on the way to town for his date, i hope.”

“wonshik has a date? with who?”

“hongbin!”

“the famous chemist lee hongbin?” sanghyuk questions, shock evident in his voice as he signs the last few papers he’s working on. “how?”

“oh he’s an old college friend of mine, we’re very close. he just so happens to be lonely like my guardian angel so i set up a little something for them.”

“playing cupid, huh?”

“watch out darling, i might shoot you with one of my arrows.”

“better make sure it hits my heart.”

“don’t worry, i never miss.” jaehwan hums.

the tide had changed recently. jaehwan is more open to teasing and jokes about being in a structured relationship with sanghyuk. they talk on the phone at least once a day, three times if they miss each badly other enough. there have been a few dates.

slow and steady wins the race.

“does it feel good?”

“does what feel good?”

“your hand, baby. i know you’re touching yourself.”

“oh that’s just _unfair,”_ jaehwan gasps. “how did you know?”

“the water keeps splashing and your breath is changing far too much for you to simply be lying idle in the tub.”

“if you were here i wouldn’t have to open myself up like this.” jaehwan whines.

the image of jaehwan naked, one of his long legs stretched over the side of the tub, two or three fingers buried inside himself, knuckles white from gripping the phone too tightly, plush bottom lip caught between his teeth and color rushing to those soft cheeks floods sanghyuk’s mind all at once. his hand moves south and before he knows it he’s spilling over his fist, a broken whimper ringing in his ear as jaehwan cums untouched.

“please come over.” sanghyuk breathes.

“come get me, darling.” jaehwan whispers.

**********

“oh it’s absolutely _grand_ hyukkie, i adore it.” jaehwan grins, eyes sparkling as they step inside sanghyuk’s home. his shoes have already been abandoned at the threshold of the main entrance.

“do you want to see the pool?” sanghyuk asks, smiling as he watches jaehwan touch everything he can get his hands on.

_“you have a pool?!”_ jaehwan squeals as sanghyuk lifts him into his arms, eyes going wide once he sees it. his house is moderately larger but he doesn’t have a pool. the beach is a three-minute walk from his backyard but jaehwan is spoiled rotten, he wants everything. “i’m _jealous.”_

“don’t be, you may visit whenever you please.”

“i’m a little _less_ jealous.”

sanghyuk pretends to gasp suddenly, feigning an expression of shock. “do you see that?”

“see what?”

“look, it’s right there.”

“i don’t see anything-“ jaehwan starts, cold water rushing around him as he falls into the pool. sanghyuk laughs so hard he almost cries at the expression on jaehwan’s face when his head emerges from the water.

“come here.” jaehwan says.

“oh no, you’re not getting me wet.” sanghyuk responds.

“at least help me out since you tossed me in here you bastard.” jaehwan pouts, bottom lip trembling like he’s about to start crying.

the younger quickly extends a hand. jaehwan shakes his head, tears filling his pretty eyes.

“no no no, _please_ don’t cry jaehwan.” 

sanghyuk is starting to worry, terrified he ruined their evening before they got the chance to enjoy it first. this isn’t how he hoped jaehwan’s first visit would go at all.

“you’re being so _rude-“_

“shh shh, i know. i’m sorry baby. let me help you, come to me.”

sanghyuk fails to notice how much closer he is to the edge now, just trying to get as close to jaehwan as possible.

“you’re sorry?” jaehwan asks, one tear sliding down a wet cheek. just a little more.

“yes, i’m sorry. i promise i won’t do this again, cross my heart. can you ever forgive me?” a hand in a hand, fingers intertwining.

“you promise?” jaehwan whispers, eyes shining with more than unshed tears. _mischief._

“i promise.”

“i forgive you.”

when jaehwan takes sanghyuk’s other hand he plants his feet against the wall and yanks with all his strength, the satisfying sound of his love landing in the water halfway across the pool filling his ears.

“you better start running.”

“why? what are you gonna do...spank me?” jaehwan giggles, the sound ceasing abruptly when he turns to look at sanghyuk. the younger has only looked at jaehwan like that two other times, both being in jaehwan’s bedroom when they were tangled in his sheets.

jaehwan distantly remembers how sore he was when he woke up those mornings after and quickly pulls himself from the pool, grabbing a towel as he sprints inside.

“why are you running?!”

“you told me to start running, what the hell do you mean why?!” jaehwan yells, giggling like a madman when sanghyuk’s fingers brush his arm.

jaehwan is fast but sanghyuk is more reactive, he’s almost caught him six times now.

the phone rings and sanghyuk pulls jaehwan against his chest roughly when he sees that he’s about to go tumbling down the stairs.

_“shit-“_ jaehwan breathes.

“i told you not on the stairs baby, you don’t have any shoes on those pretty feet of yours. my heart would shatter if something bad happened to you.” sanghyuk says softly.

“sorry.” jaehwan pants, leaning into sanghyuk’s broad chest.

sanghyuk watches curiously as jaehwan digs through the suitcase he brought with him as he talks on the phone, drops of water falling into his eyes from his damp hair.

“sanghyuk!” the voice on the other end of the line says for the third time.

“what?”

“please tell me you were paying attention to what i was saying.”

“i was.” sanghyuk runs his towel through his hair again, heart clenching when jaehwan smiles at him from across the room.

“what did i say? tell me what i said.”

no response. sanghyuk pulls away from jaehwan’s lips and nudges him gently.

“go finish whatever you’re doing, pretty baby. stop distracting me.”

_“fine.”_ jaehwan whispers cutely, going back to his belongings.

“han sanghyuk if you don’t answer so help me god-“

“i’m sorry, i have a house guest.” sanghyuk says, stepping into the hallway.

“since when do you invite anyone besides me, taekwoon, and your older sister into your house?”

“since i met jaehwan.”

“YOU MET WHO?!” hakyeon screams, sanghyuk’s nose scrunching up as he pulls the phone away from his ear for a moment. his best friend is as noisy as ever.

“lee jaehwan, please don’t scream again.”

“ken? how? what the _hell?!”_

“his fiancé throws parties every week, i met him at one of them two months ago.”

“you’ve had a boyfriend for two months and didn’t tell me? are you out of your mind?”

sanghyuk takes a deep breath through his nose. “he’s not my boyfriend.” he clarifies, the truth hurting more than he expected.

“i don’t understand.“ hakyeon says after a few moments of silence pass between them.

“he’s engaged.”

“honey, the whole state of new york knows he’s engaged. the lee’s are one of the wealthiest families in north america. what does that have to do with your relationship?”

sanghyuk peeks into his bedroom. jaehwan is in the bathroom now, wet clothes resting in a small pile at the door, warm water flowing between his fingers as he steps into the tub. sanghyuk silently pulls the door back to its original position.

“it has everything to do with our relationship. he won’t grant me the chance to court him so we’re just sneaking around like children. he deserves better than that.”

_“you_ deserve better than that, sanghyuk. why won’t he give you the opportunity?”

“i don’t know but it’s a sensitive topic. we fought the last time i brought it up, my timing was terrible.”

hakyeon hums over the line, cursing under his breath at something. probably one of his and taekwoon’s cats, they‘re always getting into some form of trouble.

“do you need advice?” hakyeon asks.

“i feel sad now, advice sounds lovely.” sanghyuk responds honestly.

“have things gotten better?”

“yes.”

“are you willing to wait for things to continue getting better?”

“i am.”

“let him open up to you in his own way, at his pace. bring that topic up at a time when you’re both not drunk, make sure your needs and wants are acknowledged, that his are as well. be flexible. and sanghyuk?”

“yes?”

“remember that he wouldn’t be spending time with you if he didn’t want to be. also, if over the course of two months things have improved i’d say that’s a positive sign.”

“a positive sign of what?”

“jaehwan wanting to be with you.”


	4. Chapter 4

_it’s warm._

_a soft breeze floats in through open patio doors and blows the vanilla sun dress adorning jaehwan’s body, the skirt fluttering gently as it falls around his bare feet again. goosebumps rise on his leg as sanghyuk’s hand slowly brushes higher and higher, tips of his fingers disappearing beneath the slit his thigh is peeking out from._

_jaehwan tilts his head to the side as he looks down, bottom lip poking out as he meets sanghyuk’s eyes. the younger is lying between his legs, blinking slowly as he watches with a curious expression. jaehwan‘s lungs fill with air as strong fingers press into his skin, eyes fleeing to the crystal waters of the sea before finding their way back home._

_he draws a hand down from his hip and reaches for his love, knees bending as he descends and meets sanghyuk’s other hand so both of their palms kiss. jaehwan shivers when their fingers brush together and languidly intertwine, thighs fitting perfectly on either side of sanghyuk’s hips._

_“tell me.” sanghyuk says softly, deep voice calling for jaehwan’s attention like a whistle._

_“i love you.” jaehwan breathes, heart dancing wildly as their lips finally meet._

jaehwan gasps and sits up quickly, hair falling over his eyes as he clutches his sheets. realization slowly settles over his tired features, hand releasing the silk next to him.

what he saw was nothing more than a dream and sanghyuk had gone home very early. usually, he stays longer but he has to work today. jaehwan almost cried before he left, the only thing able to calm him being sanghyuk’s reminder of their plans for the weekend.

missing his love has become a familiar longing in his heart, even when he’s unconscious, and jaehwan doesn’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing.

**********

“shoes are for adults.”

“lee jaehwan you put those heels back on your feet this _instant_ , i am no longer asking. please have the decency to act like you’ve got some sense in front of your fathers’ guests.”

jaehwan pouts at his mother as he takes wonshik’s hand, slowly stepping into the baby blue mary jane’s sanghyuk had gotten him two weekends former. he’s trying to cheer himself up but it’s getting harder and harder with every passing second.

if his morning hadn’t been stressful enough, his parents called and interrupted his afternoon nap to tell jaehwan and his leech they had to come over for a dinner party with all of their business partners and colleagues. jaehwan almost cried for the second time, but then wonshik made him laugh so hard he forgot why he was sad in the first place.

he isn’t laughing anymore.

“master ken-“

“just say my name, wonshik. i don’t give a shit at this point.” jaehwan sighs, downing his third drink this hour. he’s bored, crabby, emotionally drained from wearing his mask too long, on his way to being drunk and his feet are aching.

and sanghyuk isn’t here. he misses him so much.

jaehwan’s eyes fill with tears and he frowns, gazing at the glass in his hand. wonshik quickly pulls him into one of the guest rooms before anyone notices, holding him close when the tears break free.

“have i lost my mind? what’s wrong with me?”

“i don’t think so. if you lost your mind you‘d certainly have killed your fiancé by now.” wonshik jokes, handing jaehwan more tissues.

“oh _heavens_ wonshik i’m being serious! don’t make me laugh!” jaehwan shoves his best friend’s shoulder as he giggles through tears, sniffling softly.

“alright, alright. no, you haven’t lost your mind.”

“then what’s happening? why am i so sad?”

“i don’t know, jaehwan. you tell me.”

the older boy is silent for a few minutes, letting wonshik fix his messy makeup as he thinks to himself. jaehwan knows he can trust wonshik with his life. he doesn’t know why he’s hesitating. maybe because sanghyuk is more precious to him than he can begin to understand. maybe because he’s so out of his comfort zone speaking what he’s feeling to anyone is a risk and exposing the war raging in his heart isn’t something he’s ready to do. maybe because he’s scared of what his feelings mean, what they could mean, how they’ll shape his future.

but jaehwan needs to understand or he’s going to go crazy, so he bites.

“shikkie...”

“hwannie...”

“can i ask you something?”

“anything.”

“what is love?”

**********

fourteen has been jaehwan’s lucky number as long as he can remember, but he hasn’t been feeling very charmed as of late.

it’s been two weeks since he’s seen or heard from sanghyuk and nothing about this feels special. jaehwan has been getting into trouble and picking fights, almost always on purpose, just to have someone raise their voice at him. as of his latest binge-drinking episode he and wonshik aren’t on speaking terms. everything is wrong.

he thinks he’s dreaming again when wonshik departs and goes to meet sanghyuk halfway, his fiancé away on some stupid business trip or another for the weekend. it’s simply not possible that jaehwan’s love would abandon him out of the blue and show up unwelcome on his front steps, but the view from his living room window tells him otherwise.

neither of them speaks when left completely alone. even jaehwan’s cat is taken outside for some fresh air, much to their protest. the energy between them constantly shifts, unspoken words being expressed through fleeting eye contact and tense body language. jaehwan loathes how loud the clock in the kitchen is all of a sudden. he should leave a note for wonshik-

“i’m sorry.” sanghyuk blurts, tone full of something jaehwan has never heard before: unease. jaehwan turns away, fiddling with the blood-red roses he brought in. some part of jaehwan desires to burn the petals, to watch them wither and crumble the way his heart had recently. later, possibly.

“you think you can just go fourteen days without...anything? without writing, calling, stopping by?”

“no, i don’t.”

“interesting. did you come here seeking forgiveness? grace? because i have neither for you, darling.”

“i just came to explain myself and apologize, i don’t expect anything else.”

“do get on with it.” jaehwan cuts the stems of the roses, sucking blood from his finger when a thorn pierces his skin.

“my older sister gave birth to her daughter two weeks ago.”

“name?”

“amethyst.”

“pretty...”

“i’ve been caring for them at my place and working from home. my sister became very ill last week, helping her recover and taking care of amethyst ate away the time i managed to set aside for you.”

jaehwan notices how tired sanghyuk looks and sounds, setting a cold glass of water next to him and moving away before he has a chance to touch. 

“i’m assuming your sister is well now since you’re here.”

“yes, she and her daughter have returned home. finally.” sanghyuk sighs, downing the entire glass in a few short seconds.

jaehwan frowns at how easily he believes sanghyuk, how he can’t pinpoint a motive for him to lie about why they haven’t spent time together. his heart is still aching. the relief that sanghyuk hasn’t been blowing him off doesn’t blend with his insecurities or doubts or the fact that their relationship isn’t defined and there’s no real reason for jaehwan to be upset because in reality sanghyuk is not and never was his. jaehwan feels sick.

“well you’ve apologized and explained as you desired, you may let yourself out.”

“jaehwan, i said i didn’t expect anything.”

“i heard.” jaehwan rolls his eyes, praying sanghyuk can’t see how badly his hands are shaking.

“that doesn’t mean i don’t want anything or that you ceasing this game of pretend wouldn’t be convenient for us both. i know you missed me-“

“don’t.”

“baby-“

“DON’T.” jaehwan repeats, eyes void of all emotion as he stares at sanghyuk. it’s too hot to be fussing like this, but jaehwan has a lot to say and dammit he’s going to say it and kick sanghyuk out because it’s what he deserves whether he has a reason for neglecting him or not. “you don’t get to want shit in my house, or tell me how to behave after you disappeared for two weeks, or throw how much i detested you being away from me in my face or use that godforsaken title to try and soothe me. you don’t get to do any of that. not a fucking chance.”

“what can i do then? how can i make this better?”

“i don’t think you can.” jaehwan blinks away tears, gripping the edge of the counter to try and center himself. he recoils as if an open flame has kissed his skin when sanghyuk takes his hand, fingers tingling after he pulls away.

“do _not_ touch me.”

“jaehwan, please.” sanghyuk sounds desperate, for what jaehwan isn’t sure.

“just leave, you shouldn’t have come. things would have been simpler if you’d just let me think this was one of my dreams, if i’d never really met you and my life wasn’t falling apart right before my eyes...”

“is that what you want? for me to disappear?”

“what?”

“i said, do you want me to disappear?”

“no.” jaehwan finds himself responding instinctively before shaking his head, too much sincerity in his tone. he can’t afford to fall into whatever this is again, his heart is too damaged already.

“what do you want?”

“sanghyuk, you need to leave...”

“what do you want?” sanghyuk pushes, getting closer but not cornering jaehwan so he can’t escape. the energy between them is shifting again. jaehwan is two seconds from running.

“i want you to leave.” jaehwan lies, the tips of red ears exposing him.

“false. what do you want, jaehwan?”

“sanghyuk...” his back hits a wall and jaehwan gasps, face burning as sanghyuk invites himself into his personal space.

“please tell me the truth.” sanghyuk says, and jaehwan can’t fight it anymore. he has missed him. the way sanghyuk looks at him, their playful antics, how gently his hands grace his skin, how sated he is when they’re together, how easily his mind wanders to images of them running down a beach together somewhere sunny, skin hot and hearts so full that nothing can break the spell of their joy.

“i want more than sneaking around,” jaehwan starts, voice small but confident. “i want more than running from my feelings. i want to see you every day, i want to dance with you and travel with you and i want to meet your family and make plans with you.” it falls from jaehwan’s lips effortlessly, tears threatening to rush out from how much he’s feeling in this moment.

“i want to learn more about your work and the things you’re passionate about and i want to have a permanent place in your life and for everyone to know that there’s nothing i wouldn’t do for you and debate is a skill of mine so i want arguments i want us to disagree because we’re similar but not the same and that equates to balance in my mind and i want to teach you about the stars and tell you their secrets because they have an abundance of them and i want to meet your friends and i want you to teach me how to play poker because i’ve watched you play countless times but i don’t understand the mechanics in the slightest and i want us to be happy together because when we’re happy we’re playful and i adore playing with you and i want to get a tattoo for you, probably a flower and i want to tell you everything about my life and i want to be in a healthy relationship...” jaehwan sniffles as fresh tears roll down his cheeks, never breaking eye contact. 

there’s one more. a desire so high above all the others, felt so deeply in jaehwan’s heart, so firm and unwavering that it deserves its own moment of recognition. jaehwan takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. now or never.

“i want to love you, sanghyuk.”


End file.
